Well, here we are… I’m pregnant.
It feels surreal to say that. It feels like I could wake up any minute now and it will turn out that it’s all a dream. Maybe that’s why I barely got 2 winks of sleep and decided to, and then actually started, a blog at 4am in the morning.
There are so many thoughts and no thoughts running through my head all at once. I think my brain is feeling for the first time and its indescribable. I am happy, grateful, a bit scared, hoping I finish my Masters and excited all at once.
How did I know I was pregnant? Because my body runs like a German train station…always on time. My period was due yesterday and believe me when I say she shows up right on time down to the hour every.single.month. I was on a work trip so I had my stuff ready but I was also rather busy so I didn’t pay much attention until my meeting ended late in the afternoon. On the long drive back to Johannesburg I thought a million things:
“am I actually late?”
“wena, calm down. It might be a false alarm. There’s a first time for everything.”
“maybe I’m not and that’s ok”
The instant sadness I felt at that particular thought told me I was lying to myself.
“ok, God knows you are lying so just tell Him what you really want.”
“Dear Lord, I pray that its true”
“Oh God. I could be pregnant!”
“Should I tell my husband? No, I must be sure first.”
“Oh God! I hope I’m not one of those women who have difficult pregnancies that make it hard for them to function…or finish their Masters”
“At least I can still go to Kenya *smile*”
“When is 9 months from now? January?”
“Well, I did ask for a 2018 baby. I know by now that God answers specific prayer specifically.”
“Thank you God.”
“hey. Test first!”
By the time I got to Joburg, I had worked myself up into a cyclone of maybes, what ifs and brief fervent prayers and I don’t deal with that. So my first stop was Dischem and I picked up 1 test (novice move). I should have bought different kinds because for some reason one is not convincing enough.
I got home, read the entire leaflet and then took it….and waited for the longest 5 minutes of my life. The control line appeared as bold as ever but the pregnant line took its sweet time to appear faintly. I could definitely see it but why was it faint. Dischem was closed. Bugger! Now what?
As luck would have it, my husband and I and engaged in one of those epic fights that are characteristic of the first year of marriage (or so I have been told by everybody and their uncle lol). This particular version was who can sulk the longest so we weren’t talking. I wasn’t about to lose based on a faint line so the cold war continued.
By the time I got to work the next morning, there were new questions like “what if I’m wrong?” “why was that line so faint?” “I should have bought clearblue! They have the most ads! Surely that means something.” It does. It means their tests are not cheap lol.
At mid-morning and I picked up my bag and went to the nearest Dischem and bought the digital clearblue and the “not digital” clearblue mixed in with the odd mascara and face-wash just so I could justifiably by a Dischem bag to carry it all in.
Back at the office I grabbed one from the Dischem bag and slipped it into the hem of my pants and calmed walked to the loo. 5 minutes later, there was definitely a faint but stronger confirmation line. I neatly repacked it and slipped it back into my bag. I would take the digital one when I got home.
But first…to ask Pinterest about “Pregnancy Announcements to husband.” I was about to Hiroshima this cold war…